Leeshers ([info]leeshers) wrote,
@ 2005-03-21 08:42:00
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Ug,
Kinda sick today. took medicine. Still feel kinda crappy. Oh well I will survive. And perhaps my love will forgive me for not going to the gym like I said I would. I kinda cant breath.


Speaking of him wow. Every time I think I have him a little figured out he goes and does something that reminds me all over again just how wonderful and precious he his. Thank you to whatever power brought him into my life. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

On that topic a bunch of people keep asking us if we are having childern. Something about marriage always makes people want to know. Its interesting. Personally I am kinda insulted that there is the asumption that your life isnt complete untill you have childern. I have a quite wonderful (if busy) life right now without any childern. I feel that my life with Khayman would be very statisfying wihtou any kids.

It does make me wonder however. WE have gone through many evolutions in our adult lives together at some points wanting childern at others feeling completely out of our depth with them. I dont know where we will end up.

Whats your view on marriage and childern?

Also this case in the news about that poor woman terri shivo is really bothering me. the woman died about 10 years ago. Everything that made her a a unique and individual person died. Let her body follow and let her family mourn and move on.

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[info]destrukto
2005-03-21 05:31 pm UTC (link)
I hear you about Terri...

Personal views on children: The world has a lot of children. A lot. Some of them are homeless, some are orphans, some are starving, some are in various shapes of poverty. Some children were born to parents who wanted a doll to coddle and dress, and became extremely disappointed when they got a live, needy human being. Some children live in really great homes with parents who love them, but spend more time trying to make money to support their family than paying attention to their children. And some children have very stable, very warm, very supportive family lives.

My view is pretty simple. Having a child is a decision that should be based off of entirely different standards than it was fifty years ago. Are both parents prepared to have a child and take full repsonsibility for all of the financial, emotional, physical, and mental challenges there will be for the next 18+ years of your life? What I mean to say is, are you financially stable and capable of supporting the child? Diapers are expensive, and so are clothes, toys, food, and doctor bills. Are you willing to put your life on hold, to put yourself always second and often third in lieu of your child's comforts, needs, education, and social, mental, and physical growth and health?

My opinion is, if you are considering having a child, give it a good sit down discussion. Real thought. Read stories about parents' and their trials and their successes. Being scared or cautious is ok, and if you're willing to meet the challenge with an open and honest heart and mind, go for it.

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[info]dizfactor
2005-03-21 06:09 pm UTC (link)
wow. couldn't have said it better myself.

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[info]leeshers
2005-03-21 06:34 pm UTC (link)
Well we have had this discussion before. You are a smart man.

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[info]leeshers
2005-03-21 06:34 pm UTC (link)
See thats how I feel too. I dont think that most people who have childern really understand what it means to be parents. It scares me that it is easier to bring a life into this world than it is to legally drive a car.

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(Anonymous)
2005-03-21 11:48 pm UTC (link)
About a couple months back, one of my mother's friends felt the need to convince me that I want to have kids someday. I'll share what I told her with you:

"What do I need children for? If I want to do things with a little kid, I can just spend time with Noah[my nephew]. It's great: I'll be able to do all sorts of things with him over the years, and for all the times in his life when parenting is required, he's Mona's [my sister]problem."

On that note, maybe you should nudge Alexia and Todd towards parenthood. :p

--Naeem

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[info]mtheu2nut
2005-03-22 01:54 am UTC (link)
My views on having kids?

I feel the same way as you and those who have commented do. I don't feel like my life will be unfulfilled if I do not have children. At this time, I have no desire to be a parent. There are many reasons for this, which I won't go into right now. Basically, I know that I am not in a good position right now to be a parent. Will that change in the future? Perhaps. But if it doesn't, I don't think there's a damn thing wrong with being child-free. And I also agree with pretty much everything your man said in his journal too. :)

Off the topic, but... just wanted to say I miss you!

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"You'd make a great dad"
(Anonymous)
2005-03-22 03:12 am UTC (link)
I was being told that starting around age 17. Really funny I thought. Looking at myself, I agree with their reasoning, but my response was "Not yet, I'm still a bit young for that". Now.... yes, I still think of myself as too young for it. But I'm looking forward to it. Not today, not tomorrow. But in the next 5 to 7 years I think.

There is a real part of me though, that would like to be able to show my grandmother a great-grandchild before she dies. She's doing well now, and her mother stuck around to see me born, so the chance is there. It's not a big consideration, or pushing me really, but it is a thought on my mind.

And I also think back to a more feudal/hereditary thought process. Someone has to keep the family name going, and not just toss away everything that my ancestors did. That's how I view my future inheritance: It's not going to be my money, but it's family money, provided by the past for the present and for the future. It shouldn't be blown on a year or two of fun, then having nothing left. Living a life where I spend everything I make, and die broke (or nearly broke) is nice if it's only my money. But to think of the hard work of my forebear's as such smacks me of being insulting.

I know, it's a hard sentiment to hold these days. But I do like to take the long term view.

And thinking of the long term view, I am in favor of anyone one's personal decision not to have kids. I've been advocating Negative Population Growth for a few years now (but only on a worldwide scale, on a local level only, it scares me greatly), and while it will begin a very scary economic time for a few decades, it would make us more manageable as a society. Since my views on the death penalty are going out of fashion, we have to limited to minimizing births in order to reduce our population.

--Bill De Witt
http://www.ke6lbm.com/wordpress/

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